Sunday, April 20, 2003

My typical JMUN experience:

1. Half-hour long bus ride to USD while listening to Mulvey whistle. Make a lot of Jesus jokes and hold signs up to cars (usually a drawing of boobs, penis, the usual). Occasional paper-wad fight breaks out, bus driver yells at William Wood to stop playing with the bathroom door. Contemplate what I'm going to say to Mr. Williams, the slick bastard.

2. Get there, tap feet nervously with sweaty palms or chuckle at the panicked expressions of the seventh graders, Mr. Williams doesn't say anything to me when I walk up to him. Shuffle off to delegations after looking older and suaver than you.

3. Proceedings underway, prod Jenna in the back of the head with a pen, whenever she raises her hand screech her name under my breath in a raspy voice. Rustle hair, assume a nonchalant pose. Entertain self by drawing pictures of John Lennon on resolutions. Make more Jesus jokes and give the chairs the old eye.

4. Present previously written speeches in persuading tones, walk back to seat with even stride but invariably trip on someone's tote-bag. Sit down, assume nonchalant pose, tap pen, stare holes in the back of Jenna's head.

5. Listen to seventh graders try to talk about politics without sounding stupid, eat lunch and try not to cringe at the 'intellectual' dialogue. Get involved in conversations, sound stupid and young, guess I am. Kick Bryan Casey.

6. After the conference, win every award I can and go home to a hot tub filled with oiled love goddesses, play Battletoads.

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