Saturday, July 31, 2004

How to make a sappy, drag-your-feet, lay down and cry weblog post:

Begin by relating an experience of yours, only instead of actually telling a story, convolute everything with pretentious metaphor that means nothing to anyone except you. Make it seem like you're really that thoughtful all the time. Make sure you drop lots of hints to the person you have a crush on that they have absolutely no capacity to decode. Speak in the very internet-specific dialect of half-poetry and interject long, twisting tirades about the pain of being alive with lyrics. The relevance of these lyrics to what you're half-heartedly trying to communicate is irrelevant. Think that writing many of these posts will make people want to get closer to you. Understand how laughably bad and juvenille almost everything serious you write is, but embrace it anyway, and make lots of tounge-in-cheek stabs at your own pomp and share a chuckle with your readership.


Anonymous said...

Right on, mo'fucka.


Anonymous said...

Your mind is a deep deep place, Matthew. Deep like an ocean. Or the compacity of a glacier. Or something not of the marine persuation.
..Just deep.


This Year's Boy said...

I'm sorry but I copyrighted that formula all ready. I'd rather not have you let my secret out.

Anonymous said...

I blame you


Anonymous said...

b-i-n-g-o, and bingo was his name-o.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you noticed that you could also be mocking yourself in writing this post in the first place. Yes?