Monday, May 16, 2005

As taken from my Ebel notebook:

Turkish Remakes I'd Like to See

Turkish Rush Hour: A zany beige-meets-beige comedy romp in which two fast-talking, loose-cannon cops must retrieve a diplomat's stolen daughter. Jackie Chan's fantic physical comedy is recreated by combatants calmly passing a clay pot back and forth while gently kicking each other in the shins.

Turkish I, Robot: Turkish Will Smith is embroiled in a vast conspiracy to make the human race obsolete with intelligent robots, represented by Turkish children wrapped in blankets and aluminum foil with empty beer cans taped to their heads.

Turkish Pirates of the Caribbean: Johnny Depp's inebriated swarthiness is emulated through actual drunkenness, and his pithy banter is reduced to incomprehensible strings of vowels heard through layers of static. The original movie's sweeping, intense battle sequences are simply cut directly into the Turkish version, spliced with shots of Turkish fishermen jumping up and down in a boat while crewmembers behind the camera throw smoke grenades at them.


Jeffrey said...

Turkish Cabin by the Lake

dwoo said...

This is classic Matthew. How about Turkish Taxi Driver? I think it would be the identical movie. Turkish Citizen Kane? Imagine Orson Welles topped with a fez.

Tell your dad congrats on the new book. I'll call or write soon. say hi to your bro and mom too!