Tuesday, February 24, 2009


Some fish walk on land. Like the catfish. One time, we kept one in a cooler for four hours before getting home and finding out it was still breathing. I don't remember how we executed it.

Sometimes living things just suffer without dying.

When I was two I fished a tadpole out of its tank and brought it over to the couch to watch TV with me. I set it on a cushion and forgot about it. When I realized it was dead, I cried. It's probably the most perfectly sad thing that's ever happened to me.

Usually I don't hear the persistent low whine of pain until I am particularly alone and it's very late at night. Lack of air does not come from a place. If you wanted to put your finger in a hole to stop vacuum from leaking into your room, you couldn't do it.

That tadpole would have had a pretty hard time telling me that it wanted me to carry it in my palm back to its little bowl. Maybe it tried.

I have a hard time falling asleep because my bed feels uncomfortable. I guess because I know where it is, and where it isn't. As well as who's in it, and who isn't.

One time a professor who is also a psychologist told me that I "have depression." Can you really possess the absence of a thing? Maybe that catfish "had thirst."

When I find spiders or silverfish in my bathtub, I nudge them so they run onto my hand, and then I put them safely on the bathroom floor.

Sometimes I have trouble sleeping because I am remembering what it feels like to swim.


Laurel said...

In French you "have" thirst.

TwelveTwo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TwelveTwo said...

However, Gatorade quenches thirst. Quenches is defined commonly as synonymous with 'extinguish', but also 'to put an end to' So, this really can go either way. ...At least according to this popular beverage drink.

lily said...

I think this is well-written and I liked it. That said, please don't tell me Health and Human Development has pushed you onto the "mental-illness is a myth", Adbusters's Pfizer conspiracy bologna bandwagon. Depression is a presence of pain that debilitates many unfortunate, strong individuals and has a significant fatality rate. And people say "have" because they're informed and precise and know that "you are" is as misguided as telling someone with a tumor "You are cancerous."