Mine.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
Friday, August 12, 2005
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Friday, July 29, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Recently, for a couple of weeks, all I did was sit in my room with my laptop and play Doom. If any of you have never played Doom, here is the basic premise: You are a marine. You are in space. There are also demons from Hell in space. The demons from Hell want to kill you. You have a shotgun. Needless to say, it's the most awesomest game ever coded. It's so awesome that they made a movie out of it starring The Rock.
For a visual recap:
=
After I beat Doom I started playing another favorite, called Sim Cinema. It's a bare-bones emulator of the film industry, in which you pitch movies to different studios and follow them through to completion, building on your company's reputation with each success. These are my favorite movies:
Blood Sport 3: The Blood Sportening
Description: The year is 2030. Space combatants must battle in a space underground fighting circuit for the title of Space Champion of Space Fighting. Let the space ass-kicking commence.
Tag Line: Makes Speed look like a slow space ride to space grandma's space house.
Outcome: Successful, Critically acclaimed
Billy Bob Thornton Swears and Drinks
Description: For kids!
Outcome: Successful, Critically acclaimed
Skipper: Who Let the Dogs Out? Into the Water? To Free-dive?
Description: The world of free-diving just got a whole lot funnier! Youngster Tim Shelley discovers that his dog Skipper is a free-diving prodigy! But will the cold, dogmatic free-diving establishment allow Skipper to compete?
Tag Line: Who knew that dogs could free-dive? I sure didn't. What a hilarious and unlikely circumstance!
Outcome: Successful, Critically bashed
Bill Nye: The Murder Guy
Description: A botched lab demonstration leaves television personality Bill Nye horribly disfigured. Watch in horror as Nye carves a bloody swath across the country to seek revenge!
Tag Line: Beakman is fucking dead.
Outcome: Major bomb, Critically bashed
Anaconda 3: Snakes in tha Hood
Description: Can a racist cop and a misguided band of urban criminals learn to overcome their differences in order to avoid certain death at the hands, or teeth, of giant snakes?
Tag Line: Snizzakeizzledizzle.
Outcome: Successful, Critically bashed
Roadhouse 2: Roadier House
Description: Driven to madness by the inexplicable abundance of tasteless nudity in his life, Patrick Swayze goes on a mission to manually remove the trachea of the president himself!
Tag Line: Swayze don't care.
Outcome: Blockbuster, Critically acclaimed
Porno: The Movie
Description: When young housewife Ashley Smithington discovers a leak in her ceiling, she calls repair serviceman John Spratley. But the roof isn't the only thing he'll be servicing.
Tag Line: "I'm here to fill your crack."
Outcome: Blockbuster, Critically acclaimed (Note: this movie made it to #6 on the list of the 20 highest-grossing films of all time, above The Lion King and below Forrest Gump.)
Poo Poo
(critical note: this one's vintage, probably from around sixth grade)
Description: A documentary of poo.
Tag Line: Poo! Crap! Dookie! Butt Nugget! Fun!
Outcome: Successful, Critically acclaimed
=
After I beat Doom I started playing another favorite, called Sim Cinema. It's a bare-bones emulator of the film industry, in which you pitch movies to different studios and follow them through to completion, building on your company's reputation with each success. These are my favorite movies:
Blood Sport 3: The Blood Sportening
Description: The year is 2030. Space combatants must battle in a space underground fighting circuit for the title of Space Champion of Space Fighting. Let the space ass-kicking commence.
Tag Line: Makes Speed look like a slow space ride to space grandma's space house.
Outcome: Successful, Critically acclaimed
Billy Bob Thornton Swears and Drinks
Description: For kids!
Outcome: Successful, Critically acclaimed
Skipper: Who Let the Dogs Out? Into the Water? To Free-dive?
Description: The world of free-diving just got a whole lot funnier! Youngster Tim Shelley discovers that his dog Skipper is a free-diving prodigy! But will the cold, dogmatic free-diving establishment allow Skipper to compete?
Tag Line: Who knew that dogs could free-dive? I sure didn't. What a hilarious and unlikely circumstance!
Outcome: Successful, Critically bashed
Bill Nye: The Murder Guy
Description: A botched lab demonstration leaves television personality Bill Nye horribly disfigured. Watch in horror as Nye carves a bloody swath across the country to seek revenge!
Tag Line: Beakman is fucking dead.
Outcome: Major bomb, Critically bashed
Anaconda 3: Snakes in tha Hood
Description: Can a racist cop and a misguided band of urban criminals learn to overcome their differences in order to avoid certain death at the hands, or teeth, of giant snakes?
Tag Line: Snizzakeizzledizzle.
Outcome: Successful, Critically bashed
Roadhouse 2: Roadier House
Description: Driven to madness by the inexplicable abundance of tasteless nudity in his life, Patrick Swayze goes on a mission to manually remove the trachea of the president himself!
Tag Line: Swayze don't care.
Outcome: Blockbuster, Critically acclaimed
Porno: The Movie
Description: When young housewife Ashley Smithington discovers a leak in her ceiling, she calls repair serviceman John Spratley. But the roof isn't the only thing he'll be servicing.
Tag Line: "I'm here to fill your crack."
Outcome: Blockbuster, Critically acclaimed (Note: this movie made it to #6 on the list of the 20 highest-grossing films of all time, above The Lion King and below Forrest Gump.)
Poo Poo
(critical note: this one's vintage, probably from around sixth grade)
Description: A documentary of poo.
Tag Line: Poo! Crap! Dookie! Butt Nugget! Fun!
Outcome: Successful, Critically acclaimed
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Monday, July 25, 2005
I saw The Island last night. Entertaining and well crafted, but Hollywood can take its product placement and fucking choke on it.
I am sick of being a target market. I am sick of corporations vying for ownership of my mind. I am sick of people who watch the Superbowl "just to see the commercials." I am sick of consumerism, materialism and the total absence of coherence and discernment that allows it to continue.
There are better ways to live.
I am sick of being a target market. I am sick of corporations vying for ownership of my mind. I am sick of people who watch the Superbowl "just to see the commercials." I am sick of consumerism, materialism and the total absence of coherence and discernment that allows it to continue.
There are better ways to live.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Way back in May, going to school made my head feel like my underwear used to after PE, so I figured I'd need to escape to somewhere strange and interesting when summer came. I got on a plane and flew six hours to my brother's spartan apartment in Queens, where I would sweat much and sleep little.
Imagine walking around with your face wedged into someone's ass crack, all the time. That's more or less what it feels like to exist in New York during July. Compound with that the peculiar rhythm of thousands of bodies in constant motion and the sound of a hundred different dialects and you begin to get an idea. And if you're savvy enough, you can ride through the city's metal arteries to basically anywhere.
Being solely responsible for your health and safety instills in you a great deal of confidence; a power over your life that you can flex with tangible results. On this trip I discovered the transformative properties of spontaneity. Doing things on impulse makes the world glitter, and you invite cool weirdness into your life, try it.
I'd like to share what I've learned, but that's impossible. My whole has expanded.
Imagine walking around with your face wedged into someone's ass crack, all the time. That's more or less what it feels like to exist in New York during July. Compound with that the peculiar rhythm of thousands of bodies in constant motion and the sound of a hundred different dialects and you begin to get an idea. And if you're savvy enough, you can ride through the city's metal arteries to basically anywhere.
Being solely responsible for your health and safety instills in you a great deal of confidence; a power over your life that you can flex with tangible results. On this trip I discovered the transformative properties of spontaneity. Doing things on impulse makes the world glitter, and you invite cool weirdness into your life, try it.
I'd like to share what I've learned, but that's impossible. My whole has expanded.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Thursday, June 16, 2005
I found this site that allows you to generate a random poem from the contents of a website.
This is the Tribulations in Phobitopia poem:
Tribulations In the WallOf Montreal
posted by Matthew Location:San Diego,
California, United States
In it, on the sidebarmargin: 0; 0
comments
Sunday, June 08, 10/10/17/2004 01/12/
2005 06/11/20/2003
11/22/2003
05/02/01/
22/2003 03/09/08/2004
06/07/2003 02/22/2002 11/2003 12/28/2004
05/15/2005 I stare at
him before, out
of text in the
sidebarp. { : margin:
0; padding: 5px p { : 0; } . {
6px; } /* links */ a:active { color: #999; : background:
url http://www.blogger.Template Style Name:
Matthew at 4:02 26/
2005 03/
20/2002 11/2003 09/01/2002
11/14/
2004 06/2003 03/
2003 03/06/
2003 05/04/06/06/12/
28/2002 10/11/16/2005
04/24/2003 11/30/2003
01/25/2003 05/
23/2003 08/17/2003 09/
2003 03/
26/2002 12/
2005 06/27/
2003 12/
27/2004 02/26/2004 04/2004 06/
11/2005 The
pe...
This is the Tribulations in Phobitopia poem:
Tribulations In the WallOf Montreal
posted by Matthew Location:San Diego,
California, United States
In it, on the sidebarmargin: 0; 0
comments
Sunday, June 08, 10/10/17/2004 01/12/
2005 06/11/20/2003
11/22/2003
05/02/01/
22/2003 03/09/08/2004
06/07/2003 02/22/2002 11/2003 12/28/2004
05/15/2005 I stare at
him before, out
of text in the
sidebarp. { : margin:
0; padding: 5px p { : 0; } . {
6px; } /* links */ a:active { color: #999; : background:
url http://www.blogger.Template Style Name:
Matthew at 4:02 26/
2005 03/
20/2002 11/2003 09/01/2002
11/14/
2004 06/2003 03/
2003 03/06/
2003 05/04/06/06/12/
28/2002 10/11/16/2005
04/24/2003 11/30/2003
01/25/2003 05/
23/2003 08/17/2003 09/
2003 03/
26/2002 12/
2005 06/27/
2003 12/
27/2004 02/26/2004 04/2004 06/
11/2005 The
pe...
The setting: Meanley, after school, today.
The perp: A smallish, ambiguously-ethnic douche face wearing a Nautica shirt, shorts and gold necklace.
The event: I am standing, waiting for my ride when I hear from my right, "Yo SON! Serra high school's GAY!" My mind reels for about ten seconds while I stare at him before, out of the swirling chaos, enough synapses connect to make my face look a little confused. The kid turns to his friends. "Yeah, he used to go to Serra."
...............
The perp: A smallish, ambiguously-ethnic douche face wearing a Nautica shirt, shorts and gold necklace.
The event: I am standing, waiting for my ride when I hear from my right, "Yo SON! Serra high school's GAY!" My mind reels for about ten seconds while I stare at him before, out of the swirling chaos, enough synapses connect to make my face look a little confused. The kid turns to his friends. "Yeah, he used to go to Serra."
...............
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I have just completed my twenty-minute epic documentary "The Teenager's Guide to Possession: A Crass Course in Demonology," a chronicle of my attempts to become demonically posessed by playing Dungeons and Dragons and listening to rock music. If you'd like to see it, come to Ebel's room tomorrow during fourth period.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Manipulative dickheads
My brother has an oft-repeated phrase; "Sometimes I feel like this whole world was made just to annoy me." That's pretty much exactly how I feel when I read about slimy jackasses like these guys who spend their lives coming up with innovative ways to coerce you into buying things. It's not even the buying that bothers me, it's brand loyalty. It's the idea that someone could be mentally complacent enough to buy into that saccharine, nauseating SHIT that saturates most media. It's people who watch the Superbowl just for the commercials. I mean, God DAMMIT.
I'm beginning to believe that mainstream American culture is intellectual anathema. It's such a dull, life-denying consensus reality. Flags. Pickup trucks. Bush. Britney Spears. Freedom. Elimidate. Maybe that's a completely trite thing for me to say, but at the crux of it all is a pleblian psychology that reduces all concepts to their most rudimentary forms. And it's in my head too! It's horrible and I want nothing to do with it.
My brother has an oft-repeated phrase; "Sometimes I feel like this whole world was made just to annoy me." That's pretty much exactly how I feel when I read about slimy jackasses like these guys who spend their lives coming up with innovative ways to coerce you into buying things. It's not even the buying that bothers me, it's brand loyalty. It's the idea that someone could be mentally complacent enough to buy into that saccharine, nauseating SHIT that saturates most media. It's people who watch the Superbowl just for the commercials. I mean, God DAMMIT.
I'm beginning to believe that mainstream American culture is intellectual anathema. It's such a dull, life-denying consensus reality. Flags. Pickup trucks. Bush. Britney Spears. Freedom. Elimidate. Maybe that's a completely trite thing for me to say, but at the crux of it all is a pleblian psychology that reduces all concepts to their most rudimentary forms. And it's in my head too! It's horrible and I want nothing to do with it.