Sunday, January 11, 2004

James Bond vs. Macho Man Randy Savage

Bond: A suave but deadly secret agent skilled in the ways of espionage and seduction. His strengths include a quick wit and an even quicker gun.

Macho Man: In his own words, Macho Man Randy Savage is "the Wrestling OG, from back in the day, Randy Savage don't play." Indeed, Randy doesn't play; especially when he's ripping your head off and using it to beat your grandma into submission. Strengths include strength.

Match 1:
The first match begins with a lighthearted quip from Mr. Bond, followed by a flying-elbow-to-the-face by Mr. Savage. Bond quickly recovers himself, adjusts his tie, straightens his suit and briskly chops Randy in the neck with the side of his hand. As a retort, Macho returns the gesture; snapping James' left clavicle in two. Not to be slowed down, Bond withdraws his slim, sexy Walther PPK and dramatically aims it at Macho, his legs splayed and his left arm thrown back behind him. The gun fires, a bullet hits Randy's chest and ricochetes back into Bond's pallid, flaccid penis. Seizing the opportunity, Randy snaps into his secret weapon, a Slim Jim. Now fueled by x-treme, in-your-face flavor, Savage calls down the ancient Nordic war gods of "Hardcore" and "Badass" to shred James Bond into a thousand fleshy pieces to be consumed by the Macho Man, ensnaring Bond's strength and spirit to make Macho an all-powerful deity of ass-kick. And then he farts. Hard.

synopsis: Macho Man Randy Savage rocks your face.

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