I was at a friend's birthday party one afternoon, and during the downtime before we got in the cars to go play laser tag, we were sitting out on the street trying to get reactions out of passing cars. After we tired of this we went inside and the doorbell abruptly rung. This woman had been staring at us through one of her windows and was convinced we were giving people the finger. She singled out a couple of girls and started bashing them in this fake little english accent that made me want to kick a chiuahua. She was sporting the usual suburban wear: a visor, hundred-dollar sunglasses, white t-shirt, shorts that don't quite fit, and for some reason they're always holding their keys.

"No one flips people off in MY neighborhood, you little pricks. I never want to see you doing that again."

Seriously folks, how dead do you have to be inside to even remotely give a shit what some kid is doing, much less feel some kind of matriarchy over an entire region occupied by people who might not even like you. The only community spirit around here is the uniting distrust of anyone under twenty.

I wish she had even looked at me.